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Monday, September 8, 2008

A letter from Obama

My fellow Americans:

As your future President I want to thank my supporters, for your
mindless support of me, despite my complete lack of any legislative
achievement, my pastor's relations with Louis Farrakhan and Libyan
dictator Moamar Quadafi, or my blatantly leftist voting record while I
present myself as some sort of bi-partisan agent of change.

I also like how my supporters claim my youthful drug use and criminal
behavior somehow qualifies me for the Presidency after 8 years of
claiming Bush's youthful drinking disqualifies him. Your hypocrisy is a
beacon of hope shining over a sea of political posing.

I would also like to thank the Kennedy's for coming out in support of
me. There's a lot of glamor behind the Kennedy name, even though JFK
started the Vietnam War, his brother Robert illegally wiretapped Martin
Luther King, Jr. and Teddy killed a female employee with whom he was
having an extra marital affair and who was pregnant with his child. And
I'm not going anywhere near the cousins, both literally and
figuratively. And I'd like to thank Oprah Winfrey for her support.
Her love of meaningless empty platitudes will be the force that propels
me to the White House. Americans should vote for me, not because of my
lack of experience or achievement, but because I make people feel good.
Voting for me causes some white folk to feel relieved of their
imagined, racist guilt. I say things that sound meaningful, but don't
really mean anything because Americans are tired of things having
meaning. If things have meaning, then that means you have to think
about them. Americans are tired of thinking. It's time to shut down
the brain and open up the heart. So when you go to vote, remember don't
think, just do. And do it for me.

Thank You.

Barack Hussein Obama, Jr

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